RECOVERY
Why was my head throbbing? My body was in excruciating pain, I could barely think. I opened my eyes to see a man with ocean blue eyes staring back at me. He smiled a worried smile.
He moved out of my line of sight, revealing a light. The light was so bright. The screaming was so loud.
All I could feel was pain. I hurt so much that I couldn’t pinpoint what it was that hurt.
I felt sick and everything was spinning again until my eyes shut involuntarily.
***
I struggled to open my eyes. My head began protesting with an aching pain as I tried to remember what had happened. I attempted to think of where I was. In the… woods? The ground was cool, but not as uneven as where I… fell? My eyes shot open as the memories flooded into my mind.
The memories came so fast. Memories of me running through the woods to flee, to hide, running through the woods frantically, several dark shadows encircling me, two deep voices, blue and red glowing eyes, bright lights, pain… I was screaming so loud.
I couldn’t see anything. The room was so bright my eyes were watering, blurring my vision. I wanted to scream for help, but I was too afraid that the shadows with the glowing eyes would reappear.
I tried to get up, but I was tied down. The unrelenting pain continued coursing through my body. Why did I hurt so much?
I started to panic. I pulled hard against the restraints that I couldn’t see. My mind was racing to try and make sense of what was going on. If only the images in my head weren’t so vivid!
This had to be a nightmare. It just had to be. I closed my eyes hoping that I would wake up.
“Has she awakened yet?” said a very deep voice, sending shivers through my body.
They had taken me?!
“Just the usual screaming. Although, there was a little movement in her arms and legs before you walked in, and she did open her eyes,” said a similar voice.
The usual?!
“Very interesting,” said the first voice. Although his tone made me doubt that he felt interested at all. “Give her more Satrii.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” came a third voice that wasn’t as deep as the first two.
“So?”
“So, we want her to live,” the third voice replied as though he were reminding the first voice.
“Either she will or she won’t. No use wasting time to find out that she won’t.”
Again his voice filled my mind with terror. Questions started racing through my mind. Where was I? Who were they? Wasting time? Will or won’t live?!
I wanted to live!
“Do it!” he said louder, his chilling voice sounded like a command.
“Right,” the third said reluctantly.
Something touched my arm, causing me to open my eyes. All I could see were the calm ocean blue eyes and the same worried smile that I could remember, but I didn’t know.
“Good luck,” he whispered, his voice was almost soothing. Before I had time to wonder what he was talking about, unbearable pain exploded through me and I was screaming uncontrollably.
***
The pain was almost non-existent compared to the last time I was conscious. I opened my eyes slowly this time to find myself in a room that was poorly lit. This time I knew I had to be in a dream. There was no way I could have been in that much pain and not feel anything now. Nor did it seem feasible that I could have survived that excruciating torture.
As my eyes adjusted, my reality shattered, but I didn’t care.
This room was small. I probably could stand and touch the ceiling. However, I didn’t feel like finding out. Not because I was afraid - actually, this time it didn’t even cross my mind to be afraid.
I felt nothing. Was this normal? I wasn’t sure, and it didn’t seem relevant.
I continued to stare at the low, earth colored ceiling. I had no interest in anything. Not where I was, what had happened, was I going to live or die - nothing seemed to matter.
I realized that my eyes were tearing up and I didn’t understand why. I still wasn’t even sure that it mattered that I didn’t understand. This did not seem right. The tears were now sliding down my face and into my hair.
“You’re okay!” came a shocked voice out of the darkness. His voice should have startled me, but it didn’t. I was perfectly indifferent.
“Would you like some water?” he asked, his voice was very gentle.
I slowly looked towards the voice. He was right next to me. I couldn’t see his face because the dim light was behind him. Somewhere in the corner of my mind there was an alarm going off, but I wasn’t concerned with it or why it was going off.
“You should drink,” he said calmly, placing what I imagined was a straw between my lips. There was a short pause. “Do you remember how?”
That should have been an easy question to answer, but I didn’t feel like thinking about it. I stared into the shadowed face and then closed my eyes.
“Oh no,” the voice said quickly. After a few moments, I realized he was shaking me gently. “Please open your eyes,” his voice was gentle, but urgent.
“Please…”
He was starting to shake me harder. I opened my eyes and heard a sigh of relief. The air from his sigh caressed my face.
“That is strange,” he said more to himself than to me. Why was I not curious about what was strange?
“I’ll be right back,” he said, not waiting for me to respond. Perhaps he knew I wasn’t going to say anything.
I laid there for quite some time staring towards the ceiling. I started to try to focus on the only thing I seemed to be interested in: why the tears were streaming down my face.
Focus. A voice said quietly in my head.
I couldn’t. I knew that I should.
I tried again. I started to think that maybe I was supposed to feel something… physically? No, I didn’t feel hurt… did I? I wasn’t sure if I could feel my body at all. Someone had been shaking me. I felt that… didn’t I? Now, I wasn’t sure that I had.
Focus! The voice seemed louder, more demanding.
No, I wasn’t physically hurt. Perhaps…
Focus!
I am trying. I can do this. Was this normal? I began to search for the answer. I wasn’t sure what normal was, but it didn’t bother me. I don’t think…
Just Focus! The voice yelled inside my mind.
What was I focusing on? Oh yeah, the tears.
Tears. Then I must be sad… or angry… maybe happy? No, I didn’t feel like any of those. What else was there?
Focus!
What are these tears for? I just couldn’t put it together.
“Sensory overload?!”
That wasn’t my voice. It was much too deep. It was familiar though.
Oh yea, there was someone here.
“That would explain everything. Everything, except the slow heartbeat,” he remarked.
Was he talking to someone else now?
“The slower heartbeat seems to be normal for her… type.” A female voice spoke this time.
The room was quiet again. Maybe they left.
Focus. The voice whispered again.
“Are you certain she’s responsive?” the female said nonchalantly, almost bored.
“She looked at me when I spoke to her earlier and opened her eyes when I asked her to.”
“She doesn’t seem to be responsive now. I haven’t even seen her blink since we’ve been watching her.”
Surely, she just hadn’t been paying attention.
“I did notice that,” he said almost as if that fact wasn’t totally relevant. “But she did, and that’s why I came and got you.”
“I don’t know what to do with her? I don’t deal with…”
“Shh…”
I didn’t hear him get so close.
“Can you… look tears!” He had started in a whisper, but the sight of my tears and brought excitement to his voice.
There was no response from the female.
His face was turned towards me and I almost didn’t hear the voice in my mind that wanted me to focus. His proximity caused me to forget why I was supposed to focus. He moved his head, putting a little more distance between us.
Focus! The voice demanded loudly, and I looked away from the man sitting next to me and back at the ceiling.
“Can you blink again?” he inquired softly.
Was he talking to me? He must have been. I could feel his breath near my ear. There was something about him that…
“See! I told you she could!” he exclaimed. He seemed so happy for me, or maybe he’s just happy because he was right.
“Well, that is interesting,” she said. She did not seem nearly as excited as he did.
Something slid between my lips.
“Drink,” he almost whispered. “Please.”
I couldn’t do it.
“Please,” he repeated so kindly.
“You are awfully polite to this one,” she remarked, she did not seem to like him being polite to me.
What was wrong with being polite? Why did she call me this one?
Focus. You know how to drink from a straw.
I wanted to focus. I actually cared that I had to focus. That must be a step in the right direction.
Focus.
Several seconds passed by. I could still feel him breathing on me.
“You should just give up,” she blurted out, sounding almost like I was a lost cause.
“What!?” He was astounded at her statement. “But you saw her respond.”
“I saw her blink, once,” she said.
I had only blinked once? That was odd. Wasn’t it? I felt them both staring at me. What was I trying to do? Tears? No the tears were gone. Drink? There was a straw…
“Blink,” she ordered. I didn’t.
“Blink,” his voice was extremely soothing. I did.
“Are you going to remind her every few seconds?” she inquired, her voice thick with sarcasm.
“No, of course not,” he retorted, sounding defensive.
“You should just let her…”
“No! She survived!”
“Not yet,” she replied, as though I was still in danger. I didn’t feel like I was in danger. Was I?
They began to argue and he moved away from me. Their argument didn’t mean anything to me, so I stopped listening. I had something more important to do. What was…
Focus. The voice reminded me again.
On…?
Focus on the straw. You can do this.
A few seconds passed before the cool, wet liquid entered my mouth and slid down my throat. It felt so wonderful. In a few minutes it was gone. Where did it go? The sound of me drinking an empty container silenced both of them.
“She did it!” he exclaimed. “I told you!”
I should have been embarrassed to be feeling so good that I drank some water, but I wasn’t. I was just satisfied to know that I could focus.
“Well, she still hasn’t actually moved.”
This female voice was starting to annoy me.
“She did look at me earlier.”
He was next to me again? They moved so quietly.
“So you say.”
He took the straw from my lips.
“She did, and that’s amaz…”
I turned my face towards him to see if he was getting more water. She gasped and he whipped his head around to face me. I could barely make out his face. The dim light behind him still put his face in shadows. I could see the outline of his ears, eyes, nose, and I think his lips were smiling. He definitely looked human. He leaned closer to me, his eyes looked black.
“You survived,” he whispered to me in proud tones, as a parent might to a child.
I what? It was a good thing I was sure. I didn’t ever not want to survive, but his little statement sent my mind into a panic. The panic seemed too much for my mind, I could no longer think. It was as though something was trying to break out of my subconscious, but I didn’t understand what it was - like my mind didn’t speak my language.
“Surviving is a good thing,” he said soothingly, as if he knew what was going on in my mind.
My mind calmed at the sound of his words. His voice was comforting, as though we had known each other our whole lives.
“We shall see,” she remarked, this time her voice was softer. “We should go. We could get ourselves some food, and she needs to rest.”
Don’t leave me alone, I wanted to yell. My emotions were suddenly so extreme. I apparently was not in control of them either.
“I think I’ll stay,” he replied.
“When was the last time you were away from here?” she inquired.
“I’m not leaving. She survived, but she’s still so helpless.”
“I’ll get someone to watch her,” she offered with annoyance.
“No!” he spoke with finality.
“I don’t understand you,” she replied, her voice was full of frustration. The room became very quiet and I looked to see if they were still here.
“I’ll bring some food for you… and water for her,” she said after a few minutes, her voice was in close proximity to where he had been.
“Thank you,” he replied and was next to me again.
The room was silent and I assumed she left the room. I didn’t understand her. At first I thought she loathed me, and now she was going to help me?
No, not me… him.
“Lisa will like you,” he said, still looking at me. “She just hates it when I get my hopes up.”
Could he hear my thoughts?
He got up and I watched him walk from one end of the room to the other, making no noise. He seemed quite tall. Maybe it was because I was lying down. A flash of memory flew through my mind and I remembered the tall beings with the glowing eyes.
Panic overwhelmed me again and I stared at him for a minute. He stopped pacing, he wasn’t moving at all while I continued to stare at him. I was sure he was not as big as the creatures in my memories and his eyes were not glowing blue or red. Slowly my mind relaxed and I turned my attention back to myself.
What else could I get myself to do that should be second nature? I could see, hear, taste, and feel… well my face could feel. My hands were somewhere, but I didn’t know where. I fought off the panic again and started there.
Focus.
I wanted to laugh at the idea of having to focus on finding my fingers.
Focus.
I knew I could do this.
“What is she doing?”
I could smell whatever Lisa had brought back, it smelled dreadful. My stomach did a summersault and I was extremely glad that I wasn’t going to be eating.
“Focusing… probably.” We both looked at him. “It’s what I’d be doing,” he quickly added.
“Focusing on what?” she said slowly.
“Probably, wiggling her fingers,” he said without thinking. “She knows what she can do. Everything she has accomplished has been with her head.”
I was starting to think he could read my mind.
“So?”
“So… she’s a survivor,” he informed her as if that explained everything and turned to look at me. “She doesn’t want to be stuck on that bed.”
“Do you know how strange you sound?”
I couldn’t agree with her more. Either he could hear my thoughts or his thought process was too much like mine.
“Well, at least she’s blinking without reminders,” she remarked after a moment and I watched her hand him a tray. “Here, eat before you say anything else.”
He walked over to the far wall, into the shadows where I could not see him. She shook her head at me and I wondered what she was thinking.
“I talked with Will,” she said hesitantly, looking away from me. When he didn’t say anything she continued. “He says that you can help her until she is ready.”
“He’s not going to interfere?” he inquired doubtfully.
“Nope,” she answered confidently.
“How did you get him to agree?”
“He was actually impressed with what I told him,” she replied, walking over to where he had disappeared.
“I bet he was,” he responded with sarcasm. “Did you threaten him?”
“I… just asked him to do me a favor,” she answered, sitting with her back to me in the edges of the shadows.
“Does anyone else know about her?” he inquired nonchalantly.
“Just Jake. He’ll probably be by later. He’s just as strange as you are when it comes to these things,” she commented with a bit of humor in her voice.
They began to talk softer and I couldn’t figure out what they were saying. I stared back up at the ceiling, continuing to try and focus on my fingers. Although, it did occur to me that maybe I should start with my feet. Because then I could work on getting out of here…
Focus.
Maybe I didn’t have hands anymore.
Focus!
I can’t feel them I argued with the voice.
FOCUS!
I continued to try, but this was turning out to be more difficult than drinking. I felt like I was going nowhere. Was it possible that I didn’t have a body anymore? I breathed out hard. This was so frustrating.
FOCUS!! The voice demanded.
“Maybe I can help you.”
I turned my face to see him right next to me. How did he move without making noise?
“If you don’t mind,” he quickly added.
Lisa must have left, because I’m sure she would have objected. Did I want him touching me? I didn’t know who or what he was. The light was always behind him and always dim. What if he was one of those beings with the glowing eyes?
“I’m not going to hurt you,” he commented, his voice was so kind. “Here, I’m touching your hand. That’s it… just touching.”
I looked into his shadowed face, his eyes were not glowing. He hadn’t done anything that made me think he was going to harm me. He was offering to help me.
Okay, find the pressure. I continued to try for what felt like an hour and still nothing. I was trying so hard. I let out another frustrated sigh.
“Try relaxing,” he offered. “Take a deep breath. Don’t try to find it, just do it.”
I did as he recommended. Still nothing.
“Again,” he urged.
Focus.
“You did it!” he exclaimed. “Your index finger moved!”
I just stared at the shadowed face. Was he kidding? I didn’t feel anything.
“Keep going!”
Focus.
After his fourth or fifth exclamation, I felt my finger.
“You felt it too that time, didn’t you!”
How did he know?
“I can see it in your eyes, you felt something!”
Several hours later I could feel all my fingers on both of my hands. I was ecstatic. I wanted to keep going.
“Okay, now, I’m touching your wrist.”
It seemed to get easier, but it was still time consuming. Not that I had any where to go. Or did I?
Focus.
Okay, my wrist…
I was actually glad he was here. I enjoyed his company. We couldn’t talk with each other, but I didn’t feel alone or afraid. He was just as focused on my recovery as I was and he made each small improvement seem important without making me feel infantile.
“Let’s take a break. Would you like some water to drink?”
I wanted to laugh. Yea, because this was such a strenuous workout, I thought sarcastically.
He put the straw in my mouth. This time he didn’t have to ask me. I had no problem remembering how to drink water. I loved the way the water cooled everything on the way to my stomach. I would never dislike water.
The exhaustion of my mind began to consume me as I finished the water. How annoying to feel so tired from doing practically nothing. I still couldn’t feel my wrists.
“It’s getting late. Why don’t you sleep?” he said as he started to turn away from me.
I was suddenly very alert. I didn’t want to close my eyes. Things were never the same when I opened them.
He turned back to me. “Don’t worry, you’ll feel better when you wake,” he remarked reassuringly as he stepped towards me.
I shook my head slightly. He leaned in close to me. His breath was warm on my skin, “I will keep you safe.”
His whisper carried the weight of an unbreakable promise. His hand slid over my hair, and sleep began to wash over me. I heard him greet Jake as sleep took over my mind.
